Life...why is it so hard sometimes?

Well I have learned that I'm not very good at verbally expressing my thoughts but at the same time I really need to get them out of my head. So as a result I'm trying to use this more. Letting my thoughts out really allows me to concentrate on what's at the top of the mess inside my head. Well to start it all off.....in about 3 weeks I am having a surgery performed in order for me to breath better through my nose. I'm really scared and I don't know how to deal with it. I have also had alot of emotions that I don't know how to handle. I'm sad all the time....even when I'm wrapped in the arms of someone I love dearly. But it's not that what is around me is effecting how I'm feeling it's just me and I don't know how to deal with that. But I guess lots of ppl have problems like I do. Oh well -- I just need to remeber that the Lord knows how to fix all my problems -- I have to let him help me.

Where have I been?

Life has been hectic and I realized after my aunt told me about her
blog that I had forgotten that I even had one. I guess that means that
I don't write in it often enough. Well to catch you up on my life--
I have finished tennis season. I practiced alot with the team every
chance I got but because of my back I haven't played anywhere near what
I use to play like. Sometimes when I play now the muscles in my back
get really sore but hey after you pull muscles it takes a long time for
recovery right? Well I hope they get better before spring season. Until
then I'm taking it kinda easy.
As for school, It is great. I love my classes and I'm learning a
ton. My painting class is going great. I've learned that I have a
talent for it that I didn't always recognize that I had. If you ever
want to see any of my work let me know. I might try to put some
pictures of them up on here. I am also loving Art History. Right now we
are learning about architecture. I love it. Spanish class is alright.
I'm not the best at speaking or writing in a foreign language but I'm
slowly learning. Dance class is my favorite. We are learning the salsa
right now and I'm getting really good at it. I guess I just know how to
move these hips of mine. lol But we have also learned swing , cha cha,
and waltz. It has been a blast and I'm taking the advanced class next
semester. My business class is ok. I'm not really enjoying it but maybe
that is because it's at 7:30 in the morning. But I'm doing alot better
in it than I was at the beginning of the Semester.
My social life is getting better too. I actually have lots of
friends. Not that we really hang out all the time cause my schedule is
hectic but we do get together every once in a while and do fun stuff.
Work is great. Some days it is really hectic and other days I'm
bored out of my mind. lol But over all it has been one of the best
jobs. I can't believe that I've already worked here over a year.
The family is doing great. I try to spend as much time with them as
I can but at the same time I want to enjoy the college life.
Well that is all for now but I'll write again soon--PROMISE.

Love Jess

Learning to love with all my heart.

Yes I know that it has been a long while since I've written anything up here. My life has been rather busy and tiring. School and work and tennis consume all of my time. Oh and my boyfriend does too. I love being around him though. I always feel safe and loved. Well I also have been experiencing alot of pain lately...emotional and physical. I hurt my back last weekend when I participated in a 5 hour tournament for ladder position on the team so all week my muscles have been tense and won't relax. So I have been kinda out of it lately. lol But yeah...we are making improvement. Well I would love to write more but I have to get back to work...

Life

College has kept me pretty busy if you couldn't tell already by the lask of times I have written a blog since it started. Classes are fun and really push me to think and expand my mind. Now all I really need to work on is time management; getting my homework done and still having time to play. It's been over all great so far though. I have made alot of friends. And the wonderful thing about all these friends that I'm making is that they truely want to get to know me for who I am. I love being able to be myslef and have a good time. Tennis also starts. It's awesome to really get into exercising again and being able to get my game on. I hope that this year round season won't kill me off though. It's going to hard but I'm up for the challege. Well I have to get going to a meeting. Learning may not be easy but in the end it's worth it.

You have to fail to learn how to improve...

Life is here for us to learn how to improve everyday. We have to take it one step at a time and grow from our imperfections. Although life may not always turn out the way we want it to; we can learn to turn the turns with it and have a smooth ride ahead. Sometimes we get tired and discouraged, we fall down and feel that we can't pick ourselves up, and sometimes we just stop because we don't know what to do. When this happens, the most important thing for us to remember is that the Lord is always there for us. We just have to look to Christ and he will always be willing to help us through. There are many times in my life where I fail to see Gods hand in my life. I fail to remember that he has given me weeknesses and strengths to help and push me to improve. I just need to remember the whole picture instead of looking at just a few puzzle peices. Love can be like that for me too. I want to have the satisfaction of putting a few pieces together without remembering to wait for the whole puzzle to be put together. Don't sacrifice what you truely want for what you want right now. My ultimate goal is to get married in the temple to a worthy preisthood holder. I just need to truely learn to be patient.

Learn that life is service and service is love.

I finally figured out how to add a picture of myself to my page! : D
Today once again has been rather boring so far. I think I'm just tired of doing the same mundane things at work. Yesterday had its ups and downs, for the most part it was great though. I had a terrible day at work but during my lunch break I went and talked to a friend that helped me to relax. I went back to work and finished up some things. Then I went home to comfort my mom because she was also having a bad day. Lately it's been really nice to have my mom around. I know that it doesn't always seem that I appreciate all that she does for me but truely do. Then I made my way over to Walmart. I have tried so hard to avoid that store because I always spend too much money there. But after avoiding it for about a week and a half you have to make a run cause you start to run out of the essential supplies. I literally went in for less than 15 min and spent over 40$ ugggg... lol But after my Walmart run I joined my family at the swimming pool--just to watch cause I really didn't want to get wet. Then around 6 I went to help a family that I'm friends with move. It was a long, hott!! process but we got the majority of it done in about 3 hours. Their kids are so cute and full of energy. I can't wait to have a family of my own...well maybe I can but I look forward to it. After that a friend and I endulged ourselves with some ice cream from the local Alexander's I.C.E. The best ice cream in the town. Afterwards I went back to a friends house and watches the edited Butterfly Effect. It was really good, and the company was good. : D The best part about yesterday though was the I felt good about myself. I learned that love is service and by serving those around you, you truely learn to love. I think that the only hard part about that is when you can only serve so much. Live life to its fullest. Love with all your heart. And Serve to your greatest capacity.

Always wanting....

Why is it that I always want things that I can't or don't have? You would think that because this happens so often in my life that I would realize to just be satisfied with what I already have. But there is something about wanting what you don't have. You can create this goal to obtain it. Lately I have found myself in various situations in which I want or jealously wish that I had something. Now the problem is how do I deal with this?? Do I just keep wishing for it and hope that someday I'll be able to obtain it? Or do I give up altogether? I really don't want to give up...This something means a lot to me and I have grown rather fond if it. In fact there is somewhat of an emotional attachment. But at the same time those around me say that if I attempt to obtain it that I risk allowing myself to get hurt. So now I have to factor into the situation...Do I really want this bad enough to risk getting hurt...But at the same time if I stop reaching for this I'd get hurt anyways. So I vote to continue. Now comes in the other part of the situation. Not knowing if what I want, wants me... I could ask, right, but somewhere inside I think I already know the answer. So now how do I gain enough of a relationship of trust with this to make it see my point of view? -- I fear that there are many other factors that play into this situation but I can't quite go into explaining them for they are too personal. -- Its a lot harder to talk about a situation without actually talking about it than I thought it would be. But hopefully as time continues this little mind and overwhelmed heart will work things out for the best. Till then all I can hope for is comfort from the fact that I have a goal to reach for. As they say "Reach for the moon and hope that you at least catch a star."